Teacher Mental Health

I too watched the video having read about it in ATL magazine, so thank you squirrel man. I did post a comment but it has not been printed. I have wondered since if it is because I used a swear word (to describe how I am feeling) and if so I do understand why it has been "scrapped", and also apologise for not thinking it through. It took a lot to get it down on paper (?) and I'm not sure I can repeat it. If there is any way I can have it back to modify it I would be grateful. Sorry again.

I think we would all choose to use a swear word to relate how we feel! :) I'm afraid I can't help with regards modifying the post.

As for the point about the video could be better if it also talked about rights, opportunities, strategies for the future, etc... yes, that would be useful.

I too would love to know where other teachers go when they leave the profession. As mention, we're meant to have lots of transferable skills, but what can we transfer to? I know that some go into medical sales and I guess selling educational books might be another possibility. Perhaps there's a Dragons' Den opportunity for someone to establish an agency to find work for teachers leaving the profession?!

I too need to thank squirrel man for his letter to ATL. At the end of a
week in which I ended up in tears at least 4 times because of my real
sense of not coping with my unruly class, I bought the TES which included
a useful booklet called Class Act - all about how to cope with behaviour
problems - and my ATL magazine arrived. I don't always read it but
glanced through on Saturday morning. Thank you Squirrel man - I have
watched the video and have now read all these very supportive comments.
But... and this is the thing, I'm not sure where that leaves me. Firstly,
I now know that there are others like me. Secondly, my DHT is supporting
me with my class (This morning, before the snow closed our school, he was
"in charge" and did all sorts of activities, endeavouring to get the
children thinking about the responsibility they all have for their role in
the classroom. All well and good and I'm really grateful to him, but even
he admitted he was drained by assembly time (10 am!). Thirdly, I feel
a failure! I was failing before his support and I'm now convinced that the
children (age 7-8) will read correctly into the reasons why he is there,
ie. "Miss" can't cope!
I'm not young. I was a mature student and qualified at the age of 40.
I've taught at the same school for 13 years and, until 2 years ago, felt
that I was doing a good job. Was told so, in fact, by colleagues, senior
staff, OFSTED and parents. I too am overwhelmed by the mass of
box-ticking, new initiatives, expectations, etc. Recently I had a lesson
observation which was "satisfactory". But it's not, is it?
I related to the comments about indecision, but until then hadn't realised
that this was happening to me. I spend hours and hours on planning but it
never seems to be right. I used to be organised but now, even though I
know I have all my lessons planned and resourced (even if I do finish at
11pm on Sunday evening) by the following morning when I empty out my
trolley in my classroom, something is always missing! Or the smartboard
won't work, or I've mislaid the spellings which I know were on my desk the
previous Friday afternoon. And so it goes on. I go into panic mode. My
stomach starts churning, I feel myself getting tearful and I have to leave
the room before the children see me cry! It all seems and possibly sounds
pathetic. It's certainly how it appears to me.
My husband was also a late comer to teaching. He is off work with a
physical illness (2 years) and has now been made redundant. He is full of
"good advice" but tactics he used with recalcitrant secondary age kids
aren't neccesarily going to work with my primary class. He is jealous of
my ability to be in work (he's in immense pain) and I'm the sole
breadwinner. We have lots of arguments about all this, so I go to work
feeling bad and drive home feeling bad, wondering if I'm coming home to
more arguments!
I should go to the doctors I suppose, but that feels like giving in or
giving up, not sure which.
Sorry to go on. Not sure if this has helped me. I'm crying as I type
this.

You need to see the doctor! Too many of us have struggled on in the same way that you've described. What we have to realise is that we're not failures - it's the system that's failed us!

I can relate to the 'satisfactory' observations. There always seemed to be a but... stopping it from being good. Of course, one then focuses in on only the negatives, missing the positive comments. What's more, even though one knows that things are supposed to help us become better teachers and do a better job, we interpret them as saying that we're rubbish at what we do, because there's x,y,z that we could do to be better still.

I'm sorry to hear about your domestic situation. I know what it's like to live with pain; it can make someone very short tempered and hard to live with. Your husband might very well be suffering from depression too.

The fact that you were crying whilst writing your post proves that you need help. Get to the doctor, take time off and get things sorted out in your head. If you keep delaying things, you'll only make it harder for yourself and risk the consequences becoming far greater.

Good luck.

Thank you for your comments Squirrel man. I do appreciate them. I'll think about it. At the moment I'm benefitting from the school being closed all week so far (!)and using the opportunity to take stock, get my marking up to date and write my interim reports. Bless you. But... what are you doing posting comments at 3.27 in the morning?!!!!

I too came across this video and all these comments because of the star letter in ATL and do not normaally read it. I feel better in one way realising I am not alone and other people are talking about the very depression and stress that is crippling me at the moment. On the other hand, I am really angry that nothing seems to be happening by way of support for schools to help staff suffering in this way. My school has been totally unsupportive and I have had similar experience in that I have not been sent a card or any words of encouragement from colleagues. My message of hope to you all is that not all schools are like this!!!! My old school that I left only last year have been fantastic! I have had almost daily text messages, emails, cards, phonecalls and this continued support is what is helping me through a really difficult time. I am currenty signed off sick and have been put on citalipram but they havent kicked in yet. When i had a similar problem 5 years ago, I never missed a day off work because everybody pulled together and helped out when peope were down and it makes such a massive difference. I was at that scool for 8 years and regret leaving every single day. I naively thought that all schools are like that but they are not. My new school is unsupportive, uncaring, there is no work life balance whatsoever and everybody is so stressed out and unhappy, no-one looks out for everybody else. I have now decided to resign and do supply until I feel strong enough to apply for another job. Please dont give up teaching all of you who have suffered in this way, it doesn't have to be this bad and not all scools are, I promise. Because I know how much better it can be, that is why I have decided to leave. It is just not worth being ill over, no job is. But I am not going to let one scool that has no soul make me give up teaching. I am a good teacher and it is their loss that I am leaving as most of them are not good teachers and the school will not get any better until it starts to look after people.

My husband sent me this link after I told him this morning that the only thing left for me to do was resign. Have been away from work since October when I had to go into hospital following a suicide attempt. Have suffered from depression over 20 years since I was in my 20's. The new HT at my school rejigged the timetable that the previous HT had set up to support me and which had given me teaching sessions in the afternoons when I felt more able to cope and which had allowed me to take over a subject area I was really interested in. I work part time and in order to keep my place in the school I had to take a class teaching job really against my will. Worked all summer to be ready for September and then just went into meltdown when term started. Following a month in hospital was informed by HT that Occupational Health would be contacting me - I went into complete panic imagining that at last I would be found out and told that I wasn't good enough to be a teacher ! I have always loved my job but going anywhere near school has been a nightmare. The HT received advice from my LEA that said I wasn't insured to go into school and into the classrooms but I could go and drink cups of tea or go to staff meetings!!! I have seen the OH doctor again and he jumped up and down aghast at the way in which his report about me had been interpreted! I feel so alone. I love teaching but can't bear to think of getting back on the treadmill of planning and assessment. I have revisited Occ.Health and the doctor admitted that I could be off forever while I wait for CBT and talking therapies. I convinced him that I was happy to have a phased back to work recommendation in his report and thought all I had to do was tell the HT. But no. I now have had to make an appointment with my GP to get a Refrain from Not working certificate and then arrange a Return to work meeting with HT - how many more hoops do I have to jump through ? Every time I feel strong enough to go into school and show I am ready I get another request for a bureaucratic piece of paper !Not once has she asked me how I dealt with my return to work previously or what I would like to do this time. There is ALWAYS a procedural reason why things have to be done in a certain way! Completely inpersonal. Noone contacts me from school now - I imagine they think I've been here before ! Despite trying to explain to the HT about depression and how it affects my self-esteem she does not seem to take this on board. I am just a hindrance to the smooth running of the school - at our last meeting she asked me where I saw my career in 5 years time - after being driven to consider suicide twice in 12 months I just felt like saying "Alive ! " . I no longer have the energy to try and educate the HT. She is a manager and seems to see me as someone who is difficult to manage. Every letter that has gone home to parents since my illness started has said I am "poorly" ! It makes me want to scream because in my heart I know that that just about sums up how my illness has been viewed by Senior staff at school. I get daily job alerts in the hope that I will see something advertised that I feel able to apply for. I do not want to walk away from the job I love and which I really think I can still do but I begin to think too much time has elapsed - they are managing without me and really their life would be easier if I just left. I feel that any relationship that I had with the HT has now broken down and am not even sure I could return under her leadership. The only bit of advice I've received from a member of staff is that I will be ok if I can just go in, teach my classes and leave and not look for anything else ! Not at all the school environment that I yearn for !I haven't been able to watch the video yet - just the comments from other kindred spirits reduced me to tears! Good luck to everyone else.

Just an update: still on 60mg citalipram, taking lorazepam as needed, sleeping tablets most night, naproxen, omeprazole to protect my stomach, and the occassional bottle of fermented grape juice! I've also had concussion from an accident caused by poor memory.

I've nearly finished another course of therapy and should ne starting a third course in about 4 weeks time! This is certainly not an illness for the inpatient! My doctor has said it could still be another 6 months before I can return! :( Living on half-pay is not fun. :( Still, summer is coming - I can lookfardw to relaxing in the sun, in my garden, not spending any money!

I love teaching, but due to the unmanageable amount of paperwork, ridiculous strategies & escalating disruptive behaviour I sank into deep depression. I just wanted to jump off bridges, jump into paths or cars etc. My anxiety was through the roof & I then developed agoraphobia. It got soo bad that I would cry & shake all day, couldn't sleep, I literally pulled my hair out, which resulted in a bald patch on the top of my head & I developed a nervous twitched that made my whole body shudder to the left every minute or so.

After numerous prescribed medications; Escitalopram, Citalopram, Fluroxitine, Mirtazipine, Venlaflaxine, Zopiclne, a couple of suicide attempts & stint with the Mental Health Unit, I'm finally on the road to recovery. Nearly 4 years later!!! The help during my illnesses was poor at best & at every turn there was a brick wall waiting for me.


The 'powers that be' need to recognise, acknowledge & not just 'brush' this issue under the carpet. There needs to be more structured help & maybe a system of 'early recognition' to prevent what's happened to countless others & myself. Or better still, revamp the whole bloody education system to look after the number ones; the kids & numbers twos; staff!!

The government has no idea what negative health impacts their over prescribed, unteachable curriculum does not only to teachers, but to pupils aswell. What government who thinks it's 'doing good' would have 8 year olds crying saying they're depressed & anxious about pointless tests?

I haven't taught for over three years & without blowing my trumpet, I was bloody good at it!! It's still strange & sort of scary, because even with the 'dark' illnesses or issues that I've gone through, I would go back into a classroom tomorrow.

You may have read my contributions above and now I am updating.
I asked my HT for a year's sabbatical and by a special dispensation from the Pope, I was granted one. OK, I am lucky,
no not lucky, just older and more financially secure, I am 58 years old, but still feel I want to give more to teaching, I am not ready to be put out to grass just yet. Whilst I have been
away (travelling - did not do this in my young days), my school
was Inspected by Ofsted, I was gutted to know that I missed this! Guess what, it failed! Why? Oh, don't get me started, but
one of the major reasons was staffing, or rather no staffing because most staff don't want to be there (including me).
I have had it from many that they just want to be out and as most staff are female, pregnancy is a good option, (they are all much younger than me).

Addressing the post-ofsted workload, many staff asked to go part-time, refused. Staff were told that if they were not up to
working harder and longer hours than the already 60 hours a week
they were already working, then the HT would help them find another job elsewhere. Lead Balloon!

This weekend, my daughters came home. I went shopping with them, (did not need to), but it emcompassed a glorious waste of time, and that is what I suddenly realised whilst I was in Borders, I WAS WASTING TIME, that is 20 years since I have felt this. Usually, it would have been slotted. OK, meal, chat, now disappear because I HAVE WORK TO DO! I tried to explain to my husband and daughters (who have never brought work home) what it feels like, and the nearest I could get to it was: it is like
having a huge black boulder situated above your head, and if you don't keep all the balls in the air, or the plates spinning, it will come down and flatten you. They did not understand at all because they can't, they are not teachers, but I know all you out there will know what I am talking about,
MY EVENING IS MY OWN AND NOT MY JOB'S!

Many times, I am standing still and saying, 'I should be doing something', time is precious, I could have planned 3 lessons in the time it took me to read the paper.

I have done some supply at my school, which has been delightful.
Rock in, smile at stressed teachers, pick up the plans (that someone else has spent hours preparing), then smile and ENGAGE with pupils (because you are genuinely pleased to see them as
consumers rather than irritating pupils), teach to plans, work through the day, take your breaks and buzz off at 30 mins after school which in this case, is 3:30 pm, not bad for the £140.00 per day.

So, what have I done? Been to Rabat, Morocco and taught English to Arabic-speaking people for 3 months. Then went to
Australasia for 4 months and South Pacific islands, no I know you do not want to hear any more.

Why are you saying this to us, I hear you say. Because........
there is a life outside teaching, where normal people work normal hours and enjoy their lives. Where their days are not involved with thinking about work, worrying about work, worrying about when they can fit work into their personal lives,
feeling guilty about not doing work, trying to catch up on work,
planning, assessing, marking, preparing etc.......

OK, year's sabbatical is nearly up (by the way, I would not
have got this post Ofsted - nope, nosiree, noses to the grindstone is what would be happpening). Decision time is now
upon me. Having endured three work-stress-anxiety bouts of depression and all its downsides, do I really want to jack myself up to that level of frenzied automaton. No, but still
deciding because I love teaching, and what puts me off, is the
planning and restricted curriculum, which (I am sorry to say)
just cannot be fitted into a working week. Very frustrating.

My daughter, home this weekend, said 'Mum, you are really chilled out', the youngest daughter and the one who has witnessed me teaching for 20 years. Yep, I am chilled, however,
I can VERY CERTAINLY relate to EVERYTHING that has been written
above, but I don't know the answer, for me, it will probably be the supply option. The thing is I know I have so much more to offer, but all the rubbish which comes with teaching has eventually worn me down and worn me out of teaching.

I hope this helps some people, I am just trying to put some perspective on having been there, done that, and coming out the other end. Please see my earlier entries for more 'gritty stuff'. But now I don't feel 'gritty' anymore because I am not teaching. Funny that!

I am a 26 year old teacher who as been teacing for close to 3 years. In that time I have experienced the highs and lows tat come with any job but was able to handle most situations and was good at my job, I knew this within myself, collegues and parents. At the beginning of each shool year I would suffer from a little stress that comes with the beginning of a school year. A couple of ears ago I took a ew days off to give myself a break, but would go back refreshed and able to cope. This year however was extremely different, I just ad a complete physical and metal breakown. I became obsessed with the job, was over working and it came to the point where I could not make rational decisions. I was admitted to a mental health unit where I stayed for three weeks, during this time I reevaluated my situation and wanted to give teaching another go. With the support of my wonderful boss I gave it a go, however the timing was all wrong and a week after returning I have had to take time off after having a newar breakdown in front of my students and parents. I do not know if I'll ever go back to full time teaching, I feel so guilty about leaving my kids and the disruptions I've casue them this year, but the state I was in I could not give them the quality education they deserved. I do believe that there is ay too much expected of teachers, especially new scheme teachers because lets face it, it is a job that you are thrown into and EXPECTED to do the same role as a teacher that has been doing the job for 10+ years. This program realy brought to light that it is very easy to get sucked into dedicating your whole life and time and how it can ultimately break you. The median age of teaching in my country is about 53. Young teachers like me are needed for now and more importantly in the years to come when the baby boomers retire. I don't want to leave, but the way I'm feeling at the moment I realy don't see myself going back.

Nice to see some new contributions from people - just a pity that they show what a problem we're facing.

I'm still off and starting to ask whether it is depression or something else causing me to feel the way I do. My GP has agreed to investigate the possibility of ME / CFS having come back to haunt me again. I think the trouble is, I don't want to accept that it's depression and am grasping at straws to find an alternative explanation for what's been happening.

I have managed to get out a bit more and developed a bit of a pattern for sleep, albeit involving going to bed at 1am to try an ensaure my mind is too tired to think about things. I keep telling myself that I want to go back to school, I certainly miss the money, but wonder if I'm just trying to kid myself into believing that I can do it again. When I actually stop and think of school it still makes my stomach churn, just as seeing anyone from work or receiving emails.

I can certainly relate to the contribution about how a HT seems to just follow a set procedure and lacks a human touch. Perhaps they have that removed when becoming a HT! As for getting back to work, I suspect that I'll soon be given the push from school, probably via capability procedures or something. The trouble is, I don't want to resign, as I'm not a quitter and still want to teach.

Hi there,

I am currently in the second year of my degree and have been considering teaching after graduation. I credit a great deal of my personal and academic successes to the support and encouragement I received from my own teachers and feel an ever increasing desire to help future generations in the same way. However, I am concerned that my mental health history may rule out teaching as a career option. My mother died when I was seventeen and I developed an eating disorder as a result. I am now recovered but I am continuing to receive counselling to help me understand why I developed the problem and to give me coping skills to prevent relapse. I have searched extensively on the internet but have been unable to find any definitive guidelines on whether or not I would be allowed to teach. I am hoping that someone on this thread could offer me some advice or direct me to a suitable information resource. Many thanks in advance to anyone who can help!

You've got to be mad to teach! I doubt any problems you've had would prevent you from the profession. An LEA can ask that you undergo a medical before being offered a contract, to ensure you are capable of coping with the work.

As a teacher and teacher trainer, I see no reason why you should not be accepted for teacher training. You have much to offer since you have been through life's trials and come out of the other end! One does not have to be pure and pure to be a teacher.

A wonderful, wonderful programme - the words from all of the brave participants could have come out of my own mouth.

In 16 years teaching, I have had two major bouts of depression. Not just school related, but school did not help. I have been to the doctors and asked for help before the depression came - but the waiting lists are so long and then when you actually get appointments to see someone, they come during the school day when you feel you cannot take the time off to go to them. I was instantly put on medication, which did not suit me and actually made me progressively worse over a few months. I disappeared into a black hole, not answering my phone, not opening letters, not even able to watch a programme which contained a mention of schools, let alone the agony of Waterloo Road!

My (new) headteacher was supportive when eventually I was mentally able to talk to her. My job was still there, but if i did not feel I could go back then I had six months grace. And this gave me the courage to do it. Sadly, I got back to school to find that my job in my department had been given to someone else, my position as a Head of Year had been given to someone else, and I was given three weeks to make my decision if I wanted to carry on with my previous role. When I said that I did, I was not allowed to for a year. I was made, by the same head who had been so understanding and sympathetic, to feel that I was an inconvenience and other staff have witnessed the way that I have been treated by her.

Two years down the line, I am still teaching, I have my role back but still I'm teaching out of my subject area - the idea of me returning to my main and trained subject area has never been discussed and I just feel awkward about raising the issue. I feel the need to prove myself more, but in reality I am just waiting until my health record is sufficiently good for a period of time until I apply for a new job elsewhere and move on.

Schools need to be teacher centred as well as pupil centred. The way that I have been treated on some levels is good - I had a parent crying on me in a meeting the other week as he had experienced the same thing, but had been forced into resignation from his job. I am lucky in that respect. But in order for things to really improve, we need access in every school to someone who can listen, not judge and not have a fear that our jobs and careers that have taken years to build up are not on the line. I was not allowed a phased return to work - that was considered too awkward to accommodate and, though I was still suffering from (severe) IBS because of the depression / stress, I was told that nothing could be done to help me if I needed the toilet. All of the advice given by the occupational health doctor who certified me as able to work was ignored and I was treated like a ticking time bomb and just told - in not so many words - to bite the bullet and get on with it. And that I did.

To be honest, I have (on most days) never been happier in my job. My line manager is fantastic, and I feel like a new and much more understanding person. However, the head is still (at points) dismissive of me and I fear, as she HAS done with other people, that however long I stay, she will inform them of my previous issues if and when I apply for a post elsewhere. How long do people have to pay the price for mental health issues, and does it mean that any hope of a change in job or career advancement is ended?

I left school one Friday afternoon, just over 3 years ago, and never went back. I didn't know at the time I wasn't going back. I didn't see the tell tale signs then although I knew I wasn't coping and was vaguely aware of some irrational responses to situations.

I had been teaching modern languages in secondary schools full time for 14 years, 11 1/2 years in my first teaching post, 2 years in my second and 1 term in my third. I sometimes wonder if I might have gone back had I still been in my first post where I knew the staff very well , mostly because the cause of my breakdown was the collapse and death of a friend and colleague who I was asked to try and ressucitate as I was a first aider. I had a short series of counselling sessions a couple of years after the event although I didn't take any time off. I changed job on a whim and moved 100 miles away. I was unhappy in the new job and never felt like I was coping then moved again, this time to Scotland. Fortunately I had not got round to moving house again as my GP has been absolutely brilliant in her support, respected my unwillingness to take medication and referred me to a counsellor who I saw for a full 12 months (way longer than the 6 sessions the referral letter said I would get)initially and am now seeing her again using EFT and tapping to help with the anxiety.

I had to see the Occupational Health doctor a couple of times while I was signed off who thought I was suffering from elements of PTSD but suggested on both occasions that as I had been such a short time with the authority that I would be kicked out. Eventually I resigned as somewhere in the back of mind I hoped that I would be able to return to teaching in some capacity but knew I would never be able to go back to that job.

I found it very difficult to tell people that I was signed off, it took nearly 2 weeks to tell my family and when I tried to write something in Christmas cards 8 months on, I was still crying as I wrote. I no longer cope well with stress - which is a problem now as my financial situation is about to implode - and get very anxious about doing anything I don't feel totally in control of. I do exam invigilation now at a local school and will be starting to teach French in primary schools in September. I have also started private tutoring and am thinking about training to work with dyspraxic children. However I can't see a time when I will be able to work full time again.

Throughout my illness I have continued to consider myself to be a teacher and cannot imagine what else I could do to earn a living, even though I didn't do my PGCE until several years after finishing my degree.

Watching this video tonight and hearing just how many teachers are struggling with mental health issues makes me wonder how much worse it has to get before someone, somewhere realises the total insanity of working conditions that are so stressful and actually makes changes which make a difference.

Thank you to the honest teachers who were in the videos!

It was very comforting to watch as I too have had a breakdown this year. I was in tears watching the interviews as I had experienced many of the same things. The two worst things about being off sick have been the feeling of guilt - letting everyone down and the feeling of being let down by the system and the lack of support. I am going back on Monday. Watch this space.

How did it go Zee1?

Just an update on my situation - I have left my school! I saw occupational health twice, both times deemed unfit for work. Got to a level three review meeting and was ready to quite, however, my union advised me not to, as they would negotiate a mutual settlement.

At the third review, I barely said anything, the union dealth with everything really well and a mutual agreement was reached, meaning I could leave without having to go through capability procedures and keeping my record clean. It also means that, when ready, I can go back to teaching without having to seek approval from the GTC.

Already, those around me have noticed an improvement in my health. OK - my sleep pattern is still completely messed-up and I'm still on anti-depressants and scoring double figures on the PHQ9, but at least things have started to move more rapidly in the right direction.

I too have just watched the video, I knew about it as I saw it on the television about a year ago, and even then it knawed at me after I watched it. I could relate to certain feelings, and yet I ignored them.
I have just started my eighth year teaching when I knew that I had had enough. I had been getting dangerously close to leaving before, but fear and anxiety made me continue through to the end of another year.
Looking back, I don't know why I didn't pay attention to the warning signs. Perhaps, it's because I didn't want to face that what I had dedicated eight years to, was now falling apart. I went to my gp sometime within my seventh year and he did the usual - prescribed zopliclone. I did not want to take tablets but I would use them on Sunday nights, to take the 'edge' off. I battled on, getting through ofsted, and surviving a difficult class whilst getting decent results from them. I had also got excellent GCSE results the year before. Perhaps this is why I ignored the nagging feeling within that I just wasn't happen. Instead of planning, I would look at other possible jobs (a patrern emerged -I would always look around Jan time) but this year I went back and knew that something was different. I went through the motions but something felt different. I had had anxiety related counselling over the Summer and in the last term at school, but I had the feeling that I hadn't really dealt with the problem itself - am I suited to doing this job? On paper it would appear so but now I know that I had been lying to myself as ultimately my body told me since going back. I was getting two hours a sleep each night, and still managed to go in and teach. It came to the point where I actually had no sleep at all one night (and this had happened before on occasion) so I rung in sick. I went straight to the gp and burst into tears. He said I had work related depression and signed me off for two weeks. I had already written a letter to the head requesting to go pt time or job share/ flexi. I just kept telling myself I'd give it in but then 'bottling' out. After all, I'd reason, there was no problems with my classes at all - so what is the problem? I know that I find it hard to stand up in front of people all day and worry about it the night before. I get overwhelmed and am hypersensitive - all part and parcel of depression/ anxiety, I know. These issues are all work related.
Anyway, I am now in a position where I am signed off for two weeks with medication which I am not going to take, I have sent my letter in with the sick note, but the more that I reflect the more I feel that I may not want to go back at all. The more I reflect, the more of a negative picture of school builds up in my mind. I have a mortgage to pay, a partner who is a work obsesive and loves his job, and I need some advice! I have dabbled in writing as a hobby and teach English - the subject of which, I love. What's wrong with me? Sometimes an objective opinion helps! I worry (already) that if I go back part time then I may have made a mistake. Also the head may reject my request, as I have heard it is mainly for after maternity leave.

The video puts into words stuff I have felt, but could not articulate for 20 years. Thank you so much. Barry

ophelia1984 I saw your question about whether to teach or not.

Teaching is a stressful job with a relatively low pay for teh qualifications needed to do the job.

The government is contemptuous of teachers and the unions are too weak to counter the oppressive but ultimately useless Ofsted

I have advised my children that they will be teachers over my dead body.

Indeed! I tell my children, and others, to steer clear of teaching. Hell - I'd rather they were pole dancers! At least they could earn good money without having to work the crazy hours of teachers!

Finally, after 16 months off work, things are finally starting to make some good progress! Incidently, a friend of mine has also been off work with depression (not a teacher). He had the nusual citalopram SSRI drug therapy but it failed to help. He's now on a SSNRI drug and much, much better after just two weeks of treatment!

Anyhow, I'm finally reaching a place where I can think about doing some tutoring / supply work. I'm also establishing a new business venture in photography! If anyone needs a photographer in Sussex (especially to do portraits or work with children) drop me a line!

I hope everyone else is starting to find their way out of the pit of despair andcan share some good news soon. Just remember, things CAN get better, even if it takes some time!

A sensitive and moving set of interviews, which will have raised teachers awareness. But what then? There was a lost opportunity to suggest where help and support can be found.

Er .... the opportunity was not lost because there is no opportunity to get help or support ... apart from "passing" help & support, if your lucky.

The whole slide into misery is a lesson. The misery is a lesson. Recovery is a lesson. And you all have to do it on your own - more or less.

In addition - The MOST dangerous emotions felt by teachers are guilt, shame & fear. And they are "encouraged" by "the profession" for you to "own" them because the profession then don't have do anything about them or you. And in the end, if you are really sensible, you get out of teaching. It has taken me 22 of teaching to realise this. In short, they hope that we will "cull" ourselves out of their problem. We are a business problem. That is how we are seen and treated accordingly. Some exceptions granted.

Stop feeling guilty. Stop justifying yourselves. You know if you are conscientious and you know that that, in itself, is part of the problem. Whatever you do - listen to your mind and your body. Learn to recognize the danger signals - when the fear spirals out of control and you feel that nothing you do is good enough.
Sadly my husband pushed on, did not heed the warning signals and hung himself in the minibus garage of his school. I was not planning to leave him, he did not have cancer, we did not have money worries and his school thought he was brilliant and supported him every step of the way. His problem was that he cared too much about his job and his best was never good enough for HIM. He couldn't accept that he had an 'illness'; he just thought he should be able to "pull himself together".
His is a drastic example but true. I share it with anyone who needs to justify taking time out to heal and restore their energy. Give this job your all - but don't let it take everything.

You're unbelievably brave & I've no idea what you've gone through. Sadly, it does work both ways; nobody really knows what goes through the mind of someone who is experiencing mental health problems, other than the person themselves. It's horrible & the profession is worse off for losing great & unnoticed teachers, who don't want rewards or incentives, we just do it because we love it!

The pressure for perfection, especially when you care so much about your job is hard to let go of sometimes & this is a mirror image of many in the teaching profession.

I thank you sooo much for this post, as your husband's unique committment to teaching was similar to that of my own. I too was very ill & didn't know it. I came very close to the same outcome & have been off work & been out of teaching for nearly 4 years. The problem is, I love it sooo much, I'd be in the classroom tomorrow if I could.

You've summerised the rule all teachers should work by & the government should utilise in the teacher's job description:

"Give this job your all - but don't let it take everything!"

I thank you deeply for sharing.

it's really good to see people being open and honest, and helping to remind you that you're not alone.
However, the focus seems to very much be about facing facts and not going back to teaching (with a brief exception at the end).
It would be great if the program could be extended to then deal with rights, contacts, opportunities, and strategies for preventing/ dealing with the issues in the program to find
ways forward for those wanting to continue as teachers.

I too, watched the video because I read about it in ATL Report. It seems amazing to me that so many of the posters report experiences so close to my own. I should have realised when I spent weeks of the Summer holiday cleaning out the children's trays with Fairy Power Spray rather than planning the next term's lessons (or actually enjoying myself with my family!) that I was on a slippery slope.
Like Absmith, I think it was the New Framework that did it for me but also the responsibility as a phase and subject leader to be leading on doing all that 'super' planning. I had been graded an outstanding teacher. It's really hard to live up to! I had terrible feelings of guilt and remorse but my HT was very understanding and helped me to realise that I needed to be away from work. I had medication and couselling which helped me deal with my tendency for overwork and perfectionism. I then made the decision not to go back to my post, as I felt the school would be better off without me.
I am now supply teaching. It has its ups and downs as I can have feelings of panic if I'm in challenging circumstances and I can get overtired easily, in spite of not having to spend all my evenings working. It is though, a way of keeping in touch with children and schools and of using my skills so I don't feel an abject failure. Also, it does bring in some money!
I do wish though, someone would work out what jobs we stressed teachers could do outside schools. They all talk about 'easily transferable skills', but to what?
Can I close by thanking all the people above for sharing their stories and making me feel that I'm not alone. We must address this culture of pride in our overwork.

I feel that it was fate, that for the first time in months I actually opened and read January's 'ATL Report' and saw the Star Letter - (which I believe may have been sent by you squirrelman?) with its link to this video. The 'Report' magazine usually ends up in the study, with all my teaching resources which I can neither bring myself to look at, not throw away. However, having read it, I decided to watch the video, while the house was empty of husband and teenage children. I thought that I was fully recoverd from my experience but as I wept my way through the film, like other viewers I felt an enormous connection with the brave teachers who had agreed to share their experiences.

I returned to teaching in 2005, taking a Year1/2 post in the school where I was working as a TA at the time. (How many teachers are there doing this role at the moment, because they want to work with children but can't stand the stress of full time teaching???)I had been toying with the idea of returning to teaching after a career break to have my children/live in Canada, and felt that I was well equipped to do so, having kept my hand in with supply teaching/working as a TA/attending Return to Teaching sessions. My hand was prematurely forced by two things: i)my husband was made redundant and ii)I was starting to feel increasingly irritated by the expectation that PPA time would be covered by TAs - including myself - on a TA's salary (an insult to pupils, qualified teachers and TAs). Part of me felt flattered that I was approached about the job, even though it was not my preferred key stage, and part of me was relieved that my interview was fairly 'gentle'. However, having been given the job, in a small village school, I put immense pressure on myself to live up to their expectations , and to get everything right from the off. On top of this we did not have a caretaker so I spent the summer holiday before I started scrubbing my very neglected classroom so that it would be lovely for my 'new beginning'(never mind the state of own increasingly neglected home!). As the new term started one thing piled on top of another: I was given the roles of Science, Art and DT subject leaders, as well as preparing lessons for my split-year clas; getting to grips with all that was involved in KS1 SATs and living with the threat of OFSTED looming and a fiercely ambitious headteacher who wanted outstandings across the board. We also had a falling role, and on my first day I was sent a parent who was thinking of withdrawing her daughter from the school, but whom I was told (by the head) had two younger siblings who would potentially be coming our way if she stayed. (I passed that first test!)I wanted my classroom to be exciting, so spent many hours putting up displays and purchasing resources; worked into the small hours preparing the most ridiculously detailed weekly plans and lesson plans and ended up in school most Sunday afternoons, on a couple of occasions missing lunches with family/friends while my husband and children went without me. Familiarising myself with all the school's resources took time enough, but to try to bring in the 'awe and wonder' element was what I really wanted, so dedicated extra time to this. To compound everything, I had a very difficult 6 year-old in my class, who was extremely demanding. I had never been unable to cope with a pupil before (even up to year 6), and began to feel more and more of a failure about this (disproportionately so I suspect).

As the months went by, I expected things to get easier, but as soon as I felt I was getting to grips with one thing, something else would be thrown out at a staff meeting and I would start to panic, and wonder how everyone else coped. My colleagues were all lovely people, and I think they could see the warning signs before I admitted them to myself, but they were equally busy with the same pressures and lives of their own. When I confessed to some of them that I did not feel I was coping with everything, and asked how they managed, they would sometimes say that there were things that they just didn't do, or only paid lip service to, but I could not see anything which I could put on a back burner. My husband was great and did all the shopping, cooking (and any housework that actually got done) but as he was also working again, this put great pressure on him. He would tell me that I was working too hard, and that I should have a cut-off point each evening, but this just used to frustrate and irritate me and I would tell him that teaching was not like any other job; you could not just turn up to face a class of children with nothing prepared! Finally, seven months down the line, and two stone lighter, when I was on a DT training course at a local secondary school, I finally snapped. It was a fantastic food tech course, and there were only about 6 of us. Everyone was having a really great time, saying how much fun the activities were and how they couldn't wait to try them out when they got back to school. All I could think about was what a lousy teacher I was, that I didn't know what I was doing, that I didn't know anything about the pupils in my class (ie I couldn't instantly say that Joe Bloggs was a level 3a writer!)etc.

After half term I could not go back, but like the teachers in the video, was then consumed with guilt. I could not accept that I was ill or depressed, as that would have meant that it was something that was out of my control, and instead believed that I was playing an elaborate role just to get myself out of going back to work. I believed that I was a liar and a sham and couldn't believe that nobody could see through this facade of lies. Despite reassurances from my headteacher that she valued me as a teacher, and that she would keep my job open until I was ready to return, I could not accept this and felt that the only means of escape was to tender my resignation. I contacted my union, but they only seemed interested in helping me return to work, and this was not what I wanted to hear - why was nobody listening? I was USELESS! It was true that at the time I walked away I was a liability in the classroom; I was so exhausted that I could not make rational decisions (except the one to remove myself for the sake of the children).

Then followed more guilt. I felt I had betrayed my class and their parents (I spent months avoiding public places where I feared I might bump into them), I had betrayed my colleagues - who would end up with a greater workload themselves, and the trust of the headteacher and governors. I even truly believed that if the school failed the subsequent OFSTED inspection it would be my fault! As for my own family, I felt that almost a year of my son and daughter's lives had passed, with very little attention from me. As was also stated in the film, I then began to question everything I had ever done, and felt that I had been a failure as a mother, wife, sister, friend etc. CBT with a fantastic counsellor helped me to realise that this was just because of my way of thinking, but I feel that my son and I are still working on healing this rift, and I was undoubtedly irritable and impatient with him if I felt he was depriving me of 'valuable planning time'.

A period of months ensued when I was not working, but I would not apply for any 'state handouts' - after all I didn't deserve them because I was taking everyone in with my elaborate trick. Finally, I started to look for work as far away from teaching as possible, but as I was still suffering from low self-esteem did not believe I could actually do anything else. I eventually saw an advert for a TA post in a secondary school, which is where I currently work.

Although I feel much better now, nearly three years on, I still get very emotional when I start to think about the possibility of returning to the job which I once loved. However, I worry that if I were able to finally give it another go, my past would prevent me from even getting an interview, and reading some of the comments on the blog, would I be able to do things differently this time. I also struggle with today's curriculum, as part of my problem was that I could not believe some of the ridiculous things I was expected to teach 5 and 6 year-olds. I believe that as well as ourselves, we also put children under far too much pressure to achieve targets, and see in my own son a very bright boy who is fed up with being constantly told by teachers (and parents seeking to reinforce school expectations) that he should be achieving x, y or z level. I have been told, by pupils I once taught and their parents, that I was a good teacher (even, dare I say it, a favourite teacher), but how can that be, since it was in the days when I did not devote every breathing moment to lesson plans and occasionally even acted spontaneously! Can it be possible that some of those very pupils went on to become teachers, doctors, graphic designers etc when they were not being evaluated every minute of every day?

Unlike in the film, I was very lucky with the level of support I received from my family, friends and colleagues - maybe thinking "There but for the grace of God go I." I would not have been able to get through if it had not been for them, but on days like today, when it all comes back to me, I feel it is difficult to call on them, because in their eyes I have moved on; I worry that they must sometimes think "Oh no, here she goes again!" so it was reassuring to hear in the video that it can actually take up to five years or so to fully recover from this type of experience, and that days like today are a normal part of the process.

If anyone has made a successful move back into teaching I would really like to hear how you did it and if not, perhaps it will give me the courage to finally let go of my dream and have a huge clearout of resources which will never again see the light of day!

Finally, I thank you for indulging me in sharing my story with you - it has been very emotional for me, reliving the darkest days of my life, but also most cathartic. I hope that anybody reading this, who is still in that very dark place will realise that there will one day be an end to what you are experiencing right now and that you have many unknown 'friends' who understand what you are going through.

Damn! I've been rumbled! :) Yes, it was me that wrote the letter to the ATL. I'm so pleased to see that someone has actually read it and taken action based upon it.

It was interesting to read your post. I agree, it would be interesting to hear how others have managed to get back to teaching again after a breakdown. I'm now back on 60mg of Citalopram, plus sleeping tablets, anti-inflammatories and something to protect my poor stomach and intestines! I've also signed-up for several CBT type courses, hoping that they can help me sort out my head.

With half pay looming on the horizon, it's a very scary time. It was so interesting reading what you said about the elaborate trick, etc... I know exactly what you mean. I hate going out in public, partly due to anxiety as part of my overall condition and partly for fear of being seen! The emotions that depressions puts you through are so many and varied, no-one can understand how it truely feels unless they have been there.

I'm hoping that, eventually, I'll be able to facew at least going back into school. I feel that I'd love to be able to talk to other teachers about my experiences and to try to help them and HTs, governors, etc to understand what it is like and how to help.

Anyhow, glad that some 'good' has hopefully come from writing my letter. At least you had plenty of understanding support. After goodness how long off school, I've not even had a card from the staff!

I'd like to say a huge "thank you" to everyone involved in the making of this video. I'm grateful that the contributors had the courage to talk so openly about their mental health problems.
I'm now teaching part-time after a serious depression and would love to find some other employment (or be able to retire) as teaching is not the profession it used to be. I hate having to play the game of awarding "levels" while feeling that I could be equipping students far better for real life instead of ticking boxes.
Watching this video has convinced me that I need to take more account of how stressed I feel and look after myself. There's no point in expecting Senior Management to be concerned .. they just want fully-functioning staff.
Thanks to Luke Harvey for drawing attention to the Resources .. I'll go and check those out now.
:-)

Sorry not posted for a while. Redeployment looks good in other counties but apparently in mine, they just hand you the job sheet which is available online. Looked at it today and they were searching for an 'exceptional person' to recruit and keep teachers in the area! What a farce it all is! Good luck to anyone suffering from stress/burnout/breakdown etc. I think teaching is now acknowledged as the most stressful job in UK. It's unlikely that I'll work as a teacher at a school again and it is only since I have started to accept this that I am beginning to see some improvement. Managed first bit of voluntary work today and good to be doing something useful.

Good for you - it's nice to hear of something positive. I'm still off and feeling really dopey. Not sure if it's the drugs or depression. Now taking citalopram and amitriptyline. Counsellor has given up - I'm too complex; Mental Health Services don't provide suitable treatments on the NHS, so being told that here's a list of private therapists, etc.. go sort yourself out! If only local councils would put some money into getting their staff healthy (and keeping healthy) there could be so many more happy people and much less money wasted.

What is the matter with the English?
This may sound odd yet think about it! In Scotland, the McCrone agreement limits a teacher's working hours to a strict 35 hours a week. In secondary schools, teachers have a reasonable number of protected free periods instead of just a few panic filled scraps of time that we English teachers are given. North of the border teachers are encouraged to leave no later than 4pm, unless they are running a club and after school meetings are strictly limited to an hour a week.
Why, given the thousands of teachers who lose their sanity ( and this has been ongoing for the past 15 years ever since Thatcher began this wave after wave of time sapping, useless, expensive 'initiatives'), have we English teachers NOT really addressed the government about this white elephant in the room?

Is it because as a nation of work-a-day drones, we are now politically castrated because Thatcher got away with the denigration and automisation of a once tightly-knit, socially conscious (if imperfect) middle class?

'New labour' was quickly revealed to be a sham fronted by a privately educated tory masquerading as a labour man. For shame! We have been hoodwinked and now we are being driven mad by governmental education policy that creates initiatives in order to justify its own existence (and a number of Westminster salaries). Are we really going to keep our heads down to the grind stone like good proles and let this poison continue to remove the only excellent role models our state school kids have? Could it be that the Etonians in power WANT to deprive state school kids of their role models?

Is this the sub-conscious, unspoken, meta-reason for these endless, crushing, expensive 'changes' that DO NOTHING for our children. Do the independent schools have to suffer these time-wasting changes? No. For example, are Eton's year 7 pupils currently having the content marginalised in their English, History and Geography lessons and instead being spoon fed a set of work-sheets named 'Team Learner' whereby the poor mites are expected to enjoy studying what best suits their 'Learner Brain'- the problem is there is no intellectual stimulus to these lessons whatsoever. In fact they aren't lessons, they are time-filling activities that bore and confuse the children.

I'm not a 50 year old ex-teacher out on stress, I'm an NQT. I'm 28 and i'm looking for a way to overthrow 'the system' you all write about before i lose my drive and fire too.

Tonight, I've finally plucked up the courage to watch the video. I've now been off work for over two months and am on the highest (60mg) dosage of Citalopram and having counselling on a regular basis.

In all this time, I've not had a card from school and no-one has contacted me in any way for weeks. A few people sent texts to start with but, I couldn't bring myself to respond as I felt so bad, and still do.

Watching the video, whilst scary, was an absolute revelation! Suddenly, there were people describing exactly what I've been feeling and going through! I sat nodding as I related to thoughts of crashing the car; commiting suicide; breaking down; fear of going into a school; feeling guilty; wanting to get better; etc...

The thought of potentially never being able to return back to school is absolutely terrifying. I sit and ask myself whatelse I could do. I love being with the children, making them laugh and helping them learn. However, the constant pressure to get results up, go from good to outstanding, do this and do that, has just become too much. Like one of the contributors said, when it is piled on top of 'other' problems / issues outside of school, it gets too much until you eventually crack and lose it.

My counsellor has already commented that I've got so much to deal with anyway, in terms of my health (physical) and family issues, that it's no wonder I've cracked and that's before adding school into the equation!

I'm so glad that I finally plucked up the nerve to watch and would recommend it to anyone that is suffering or involved in helping teachers. I just pray that I can recover and get my life back on track. The last thing I want is for this illness to affect my marriage and family. The government, LEAs, governing bodies and HTs need to wake-up to this problem. It is real and it's not going to go away. They owe it to the teaching profession and the children to take action and act to prevent more good people from having their career's and live's wrecked.

So sorry to hear of your problems. How to respond? Only know that I have heard/seen/witnessed many teachers who have experienced similar problems and I can fully understand how you feel. I am currently not teaching for a while, so I have taken a step back, got off the merry-go-round,and now I have time to assess things and realise just how much time and energy I devoted to my job. I have suddenly realised what other people
experience all the time; evenings, weekends, time to do what you want. One particular refrain that I had that I currently do not have is this: my husband would come into the kitchen (where I was working) and say/ask something, my continual refrain was, 'go away - I am working'. Just how many times did I say that? Thousands. It was almost getting to the point where he would have to make an appt to talk to me. Mad!
I hope you get yourself sorted. Good luck. ABS

I certainly feel for you, mrspringle! I'd be more interested to know more about the idea of redeployment? Is it something done via the local authority?

Hope I've done this right, never been on a chatroom before. I did 'teacher breakdown redeployment' search in tears and cried even more when I saw the posts. Daren't watch the video. Been teaching for over 14yrs and had 4 breakdowns, last one at end of June, tried to commit suicide/get myself committed. My brother persuaded me not to since he'd done it and it was dreadful, he's also in teaching; same problems. It's not feeling 'a bit low' it's a catastrophic meltdown. My husband says he'll leave if I go back. He thought I had turned into a mad woman who would never return to normal. He'd watch me sink like the Titanic over months and years. I agree with absmith, quoting the video, it's a building, constant, overbearing, guilty pressure. Squirrelman, you should have seen me twitch on breakdown summit weekend, losing control of my bowels in front of my husband wasn't a high spot either. Having been brought up as Jehovah's Witnesses, it seems a very similar culture in 'my' highly achieving school. God came first in that and in school, it's the kids. Put your oxygen mask on before helping children is accepted advice on planes and teachers need to do the same, metaphorically speaking. We need 'Every child matters' replaced by 'Everyone matters (including staff - remember them?)'. Staff are treated like slaves by some senior staff handing out their new initiatives on their way to promotion and many kids expect work done for them and the joy of abusing those who cannot answer back. I enjoyed being in the classroom most of the time before the rot set in but was beginning to feel I had too much paperwork, justification and statistics to do, to be able to concentrate on the teaching, in the end. Finally, the week after a number of heavy, time consuming deadlines, when I thought I only had to keep 'sane' for 3 more weeks, some yr 10 kids accused me of racism without grounds after I had told them I would 'phone parents about poor behaviour. Sorry, I forgot, one of them told me that I 'shook her mother's hand funny' at parents' evening. It so happened that my non-white boyfriend had committed suicide on my birthday in 1995. I went down like a sack of screaming spuds in front of them. Has anyone been redeployed out of teaching successfully? It will be the end of me and/or my marriage if I go back to teaching. Sort of rambling and gone backwards because my mum's got a lung cancer scan tomorrow. Hey, fuel my vitriol. Or suggest a way forward. any dream will do.

Nope, not new to teaching. Been teaching for 7 years.

This is for Squirrel Man.
From what you have already said, I guess you are new to teaching, and are in difficulties with your work. Firstly, you are very much not alone. Look at the statistics - which show quite clearly the numbers of NQTs (at whatever age) struggle and give up.
Why do they give up? Because they can't take the pace of work all day and WORK ALL EVENING, which means one can't DO anything else. I liked what was said in the video because it summed it all so succinctly; one is either working, thinking about work, marking work, preparing work, making time to do work, feeling guilty about work, resenting time when you can't do work etc.
How mad is that?
Take time out, I know that is easy to say, but you have to for your own well-being and health.
Hope all improves for you.

Just reading some of the comments here is enough to make some of us start twitching from the thought of it all. I begun counselling yesterday and have already been told it's going to take more than the standard allowance of 6 sessions to get me through things. So, coupled to the medication (which has side-effects that can make you even more depressed), drinking to sleep and worries about work, I guess I'm having a ball! Incidently, I haven't yet watched the video and my last PHQ score got worse, rather than better! My doctor is aiming to try o get it down to single digits!

Dear Yorkshiregal1971,
If you think that the people on the video and also the related responses are the result of people who have had odd days when they're feeling down, then you have absolutely no idea what stress-related depression is all about. Of course, people will watch a video and respond to it subjectively, but your response speaks volumes about the profession. Coping? Crisis point?
Return? Real difficulties? To vast numbers of teachers (who obviously need this video?)
Real stress-related depression is manifested by the inability
to sleep over a long period of time; panic attacks; over-sensitivity to anything work-related; difficulty in prioritising
work; over-emotional about anything; inability to enjoy anything; inability to relax; over-indulgence in alcohol and other substances etc., and on it goes. The last of which are the props that keep many teachers going who HAVE to KEEP going for financial reasons etc. I suggest that if you want a posivite uplifting programme, then watch the Government's TV ads that make teaching look like a Happy Life Where You Can Make A Difference!

Lastly, the amazing people you speak of do exist but in very small quantities; they are workaholics who don't have a life,
usually single, no children, no social life, odd bods who have nothing else to do and have dedicated their lives to teaching etc. I am not criticising them, that is their choice, but don't
link the other 95% of the profession to them, because at the end of the day, teaching is a job where you earn money. And I always thought that one earned money whilst working, so that you can sustain yourself and enjoy yourself when you are not working?

This programme was good to raise the extreme nature of the problem. However, i can imagine that someone having some of these problems at the moment and watching this programme would end up more depressed. Most people on the film seem to have had to leave the career they loved.

Let's have another programme about how people have coped, before they reached crisis point and on their return. This would be a positive uplifting programme of some amazing people overcoming some real difficulties and supportive to vast number of teachers (most people after all have odd days when they're feeling down!)

marttully - What you have described sounds just like how I feel, too! The thought of going back makes me feel sick and I don't answer the phone or respond to text messages anymore. I'm also on medication and have also started to drink at night to help me get to sleep. I know it's not good, but I'm just so desperate at times to get my brain shut down so I can get some shut-eye. I'm due to start counselling soon (I hope) and am not sure what to expect from it. I'm also scared the doctor will send me back before I'm ready and that the whole cycle will start again. :(

Talk to your Union rep at a higher level than the school, and your Doctor - they should be able to arrange a slow reintegration progamme and part time teaching especially if recommended by your doctor. If the medication is having no effect - again talk to the doctor - it may be you need a higher dose or a different type.
I found that the actually return to work was worse in my mind than in reality and that spending a few days in school - not teaching, actually enabled me to get used to the environment again. I know another member of staff that had similar when she was off with post natal depression. Take heart from the fact you are not alone in the situation.
Also to everyone - check this but I think that depression that has been going on for a while may be covered by the disability discrimination act as a long term impairment... legal protection follows.

Hi everyone, the video was good to watch and good luck to everyone who has used this thread. I have only just started at my new school and I am also battling with severe debts. I thought I could cope but can only describe what has happened to me as a total breakdown. I just can not go on teaching any more, I just can't do what they expect of me and yet I feel so guilty as they have had real faith in me, taking me on. I have been to my doctor and am on medication but this seems to have no affect. I am just hiding away and not answering the phone, I can't return to the job, the thought scares the life out of me, but I will have to because I need my salary or I lose my home. I don't know what to do next as I feel so embarrased. Has anyone else been through anything like this, how did you cope?

Thanks

double entry deleted

The problems of depression aand breakdown are deeply embedded in our culture at present. I had a breakdown about seven years ago and am only now thinking of reentering teaching feeling that I have sufficiently 'resolved' inner issues to allow me to face the job again. Many people who have breakdowns/depression are often highly sensitive and vey good teachers facing a system that has become too brash, power obsessed and in denial. Please folks, DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELVES! As the film shows, depression/breakdown can open us up to other aspects of ourselves and, when we listen, be enriching(though it might not feel so!). When teachers got ill in this way there were the usual embarassed mutterings and side-long glances in the staff room -this has to change! We know that more adolescents are getting depressed, breaking down with chronic fatigue so we are not alone. If we have to separate our inner lives from the job and become 'i'm- on- top- of- things grinning- zombies' then it is very sad. Good luck to you all-there is hope, trust and love yourselves.

Eudaimon

I'm currently off with depression / stress and feeling really crap about it. The worry about what my school might be thinking of me and what could be going on with my class just adds to make me feel even worse. The medication I've got will probably take several weeks to start working and I've also got a wait for therapy. Unfortunately, I can be pretty sure that there will be people at my school that won't understand, the HT included I suspect, and so my return will probably be something of a harrowing experience, especially based on previous experiences.

hi, i was looking at the bolgs, i have been out on teaching pratice and seen that teachers are at their last legs with regurds to stress, they can tell stories and know someone who is off all of the time, i think that it is something that is swept under the carpet. As a training teacher i do not have too much of the stress but as a result i have actually chosen to do my dissertation on work related stress and the current intervention methods adopted by schools. here in Northern Ireland there is a tendency to sweep something under the carpet, this has gotten too big and needs addressed.

i have also noted that it seems there is no age for stress to take hold, off all of the research that i have carried out it seems that there are a worring number of teahers out there that are off with stress and really need help.

i hope you all are getting support from your organisations as this is a serious problem that really needs addressed.

I came across this video through a search on 'teachers and mental health', hoping that I would be able to find out once and for all if it is indeed a barrier to teaching. It is such a comfort to know that other teachers have experienced what I am currently going through. As a trainee primary school teacher I am so frightened that my dream to become a teacher may be quashed by the onset of these problems, as I face the task of letting the university know that I am suffering from anxiety. I only have 10 weeks to go before I qualify but I am so scared that I may be told that I am not fit to teach. Like the other brave and dedicated teacher colleagues above, I feel that this is not something which means I am not capable of doing my job. Yes, it is an impediment, but one for which I am doing everything in my power to understand and solve. I am taking medication, going for CBT counselling to understand where this has come from and diligently reading books on self-therapy to get better and conquer this problem once and for all. I'm thankful to all those who have been kind enough to share their experiences, it has made me feel much comfort and support from reading your messages.

John Illingworth's speech at the NUT conference had me in tears... The courage of the man to admit in a huge room full of people was inspiring. I have suffered panic attacks and depression both work related and also depression that was not work related, and his words about grieving the loss of teaching hit home. I was lucky - after 11 months I was able to return to teaching in a different school, and now 7 years on while I'm still on a small dose of anti depressants I was given proper talking therapy treatment and able to work at the same time thanks to a supportive headteacher.
Key staff at my current school know the 'state of play' with my current mental health problems and are very supportive. I refuse to hide it away - I am not my illness, or my disability (dyslexia) but a teacher who is good at my job who sometimes needs someone to talk to or occasionally some time to 'get my head together'.
Unfortunately as I write this a colleague and friend of mine is leaving her teaching post precisely because of workplace stress, bullying and depression (in addition to having back problems from a car accident). She has had a lovely letter from the Head but noone else has spoken to her. When she got the courage to drop off her sick note at work (the last 2 had been lost in the post apparently and this one was handed to a close friend outside who was taking it into the school office) she was accosted in the car park by two members of the senior staff who demanded to know why she was not back at work. And this is supposed to be a 'caring school'?
Teachers with mental health problems need to stand up and be counted - the more of us that go - 'yes, I've been there' the more people will have the courage to speak up and the less 'taboo' there will be about it. Thank you to those who participated in the program - it helps to know that I am not alone.

This is intended for TOM - Dual Diagnosis. Why have you posted this here?

Depression is a commonplace event in modern times, taking on many different forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse, occurring in many different contexts.


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TOM

My heart goes out to all the brave people who have posted comments on this site and have been effected by mental health issues. I was introduced to the video by a dear colleague who is similarly suffering depression, to explain how she is feeling.It is essential that the school management teams educate their staff at those institutions where a colleague is suffering,so we can offer appropriate support whilst their colleague is both in and out of school. Where we have been offered good advice, information and been encouraged and facilitated to offer active help and support to students and colleagues who have suffered bereavements, terminsl illness, fertility treatment or hospitalisation for physical ailments, mental health is seen as rather 'embarrassing' and so avoided. Younger staff in our establishment, luckily, have no experience of mental health issues but are unfortunatley uneducated as to how to deal with our colleague and are disparaging to say the least. I shall be pointing them to this site as a start.

A brave group, I congratulate them for their courage and honesty. Many of us feeling end of term fatigue will have been close to the brink of mental illness during the year. I was particularly struck - having experienced the same - by Carol, who was working herself sick and yet said she was being criticised! The ground fell away when, in the brief period of relief after a difficult lesson observation, I was subjected to a deluge of fault-finding - after 9 years of almost entirely praise. The pervading feeling now is that the best is simply not good enough. This programme showed us the gems we ought to treasure. Their schools have lost the most dedicated of teachers.

Thanks for your comments, they were interesting to read vis a vis the programme. Like you, I have taken on many other responsibilities especially teacher training whereupon I was working with the LA one and half days a week, but this was so difficult to combine with my class responsibility.
Can I just say that I have had 3 major bouts of stress-related depression and each time I went back to school and carried on and it was great. I missed school so much especially the children and the fun and camaderie; but eventually I wore down again and I was off again. I give my job 100% and I feel good that I have done a good job but the cost to me as a person, wife, mother etc., has caused mental health difficulties.
I congratulate the last lady in the video and you Origami, and I hope that the two of you carry on and do well; unfortunately, I was in your situation twice before and now I am off school again and back on the Prozac. When I went back to school each time, I said to myself, no this won't happen again, I will take it easy, not say yes to anything, do my job and keep my head down. Unfortunately, as soon as you walk in the door you are sucked in and off it goes. One thing I remember each time is being amazed at the pace everyone was working at. I went back to work, and everyone was running around and doing several things at once with no time to stand still, speak to any other adult, let alone take a peaceful break or lunch 35 mins. I thought, can I crank myself up to this pace and perform, and yes I did it twice, but you can't keep this up, it wears you down and eventually, your body and mind says 'no'!
I would also like to say that my school and especially my Headteacher were fantastic, allowing me to return in my own time, phased and so on. But once this passes, you are in and off you go into submersion. I don't want to sound cynical but experience has dictated to me that this has been the result.

I have been in teaching 20 years and have worked as HOD and as AST. I have been on secondment to an inner city school worked as teacher advisor and published resources. I have taught fantastic kids and kids who have assaulted me and never been of with stress. You name it I have done it. Difficult personal situations at home have come and gone and I have never taken time off with stress. So why did I find myself at the beginning of the year with so called stress? An accumulation of many years of teaching which gets (eventually) to the ones who you least expect. Mental health issues must be taken seriously by the whole profession and if you are off at the moment do not feel guilty. I have just returned to work after 4 months off and my school have been fantastic with my phased return to work. If they value you they will understand.

A sensitive and moving set of interviews, which will have raised teachers awareness. But what then? There was a lost opportunity to suggest where help and support can be found.

You will find links to support organisations and charities in the resources section for this programme.
Luke Harvey, Teachers TV Community Producer

I really appreciated this video. At last someone has had the courage to speak up and broadcast this growing problem. I have had recurrent outbreaks of stress-related depression associated with teaching and I am currently off-sick AGAIN because of it.
I am 56 years old, and I know I am a good teacher; sorry I am not blowing my own trumpet, but I am very conscientious and carry out my job to the best of my ability, and yet, as the lady said in the video - I go to staff meetings, assessments,
planning, insets and still feel I am not doing enough or I am not good enough. Before you think I lack self-esteem, I do not,
I am always ready to speak about new directives and take challenges head on, but finally, it has beaten me; the system has beaten me and I refused to succumb to this for a long time.
The last straw recently was the new Literacy and Numeracy frameworks for primary age. I was spending 8 hours a week in my own time, preparing work because it was so unuser-friendly.
I spoke up and complained, everyone else kept their heads down and said nothing. If all teachers united and said no, then something would happen. Here is how I see it. Governement decides something, LAs carry it forward, Headteacher receives it and carries it forward to teachers, and at last it is at the chalkface whereupon it is suddenly unmanageable because it is the teachers who ACTUALLY have to DO it. No-one else has to, they just tick boxes. It is a disgrace. Someone said to me 5 years ago, 'this is a mug's game' and I did not believe them but I do now.
One more thing, if you have a teacher off-sick with mental health issues, ring them, email them, send them a card, because they will be feeling very guilty and isolated, and also, a failure.